Clear the Air

Ok guys, before I go any further I feel like I need to explain a few misconceptions and perhaps some unknowns about eating disorders (e.d.). I feel like you need to hear these things to help you understand some of my own feelings, fears, and actions that I will continue to post about. Please keep in mind e.d.'s can not be explained so easily - there are many more pieces of the puzzle to this disease, but the "pieces" I will talk about below are important ones.

#1-Its not about the food. Although most people think it is, this is a huge false. It is about control, or lack there of. Most, if not all, people who develop an e.d. do it because something in their life feels or is out of control and they have no idea how to control it or deal with it. One of the easiest things to control for anyone is what you put in your mouth. Even though the e.d. makes you feel incredibly strong and almost euphoric and in control - it's actually the complete opposite. You are out of control. The longer the e.d. rules you, the less control you have.

#2-Angels and demons. I've read many books over the years about e.d.'s and one of the best ways I can describe what it is like is to... picture in some movies when you see actors in turmoil, deciding what to do - they sometimes will show an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other. This is what an e.d. makes you do go through, every second, every minute, of every day, 24/7. It is a constant battle taking place in your head. Some give in to it and just become numb. Others know its killing them, but are so scared to turn the other way and try to recover for fear of "loosing their control," and getting fat. Gaining weight to them is having no control, which means their life just turns upside down again and that is their biggest fear! More importantly they just don't know any other way.

#3-It never goes away. You can recover from an e.d., however, it never really goes away. Those who do recover - the e.d. does not have the "power" it once did, but its kind of like that quiet little voice in the back of your head, or on your shoulder, that is still there... whispering in your ear. For some throughout troubled times in their lives, they will relapse or turn again to their old habits. Others will not because they have learned other ways of dealing with problems or life events and they choose to not let the e.d. manifest. Did you catch that? I said THEY CHOOSE. That is true control that while their deep into the e.d. they do not recognize.

Ok, this was some heavy stuff, but please, if anyone has questions feel free to email me or post something here on the blog.